What I Know: Continue
It is wild to think that fall is really here. Time is truly flying. I found myself in a meeting yesterday saying, “We need to think of it as the end of October” referring to the place and time we are in.
October… over? Wasn’t it just August?!
Every year, the return to autumn comes a burst of energy. Maybe it remnants of “back to school” or a true push to lean into the need for change when the seasons do.
Whatever it is, this time of year tends to feel like a second New Year. An opportunity to regroup and restart. Maybe even make some new goals. I know I am not alone in this push.
If you are on the internet you have likely seen the idea of October Theory— treating October 1 like January 1. The idea of the Winter Arc is also running around, which is essentially the same idea encouraging people (mainly gym bros and women) to lock in and focus on goals, start new routines, and new challenges.
I get it. And, I even feel the urge.
Big, new fresh starts are flashy and exciting. The new job, the new business, the new workout plan, the new project. They get attention and praise. Likes and even parties! I have been there— launching a new business, a blog, and starting a new diet and workout routine. These new starts are exciting to share and come with lots of energy from you and the people around you.
But, unless you are reaching some sort of anniversary milestone, not many people are all that excited if you were to share that you are “still at the same job” or “still doing that thing.”
It may be middle age or the fact that I have already lived a few “burn it down, do it differently, and start” moments; but, even despite the extra energy and internet noise, right now, I am finding myself drawn to words like “maintain,” “tend,” and “continue” more and more when setting goals and intentions.
As mentioned, I have had times where goals started with “start” and “do” and brand new routines were made. These moments have left much of my life in place with good systems— even if my execution fades from time to time. I am realizing that often I don’t have to burn it down or reinvent the wheel. So instead, I find myself reaching for words like “continue to,” “tend to,” and “maintain” more and more.
I know this shift is also just a better understanding of myself and life and its propensity to be “lifey.”
As a younger women, I saw successes, progress, and the next moves just stacking on top of one another. Moving onto another grade, from JV to varsity, graduating to college and into a career. The wisdom in knowing that once your hit a certain point, those certain milestones is anything but certain has been hard won. It was in job loss, burn out, and actual loss, but I now know that rarely in any life is it just a long, unbroken line of success after success. And, I know that sometimes quitting is the right move. But, also you can’t always take a “failure” or a “mulligan” and say “Okay. Game Over.” and start again with new players and “lives.” And, it’s okay if you just don’t want to.
Life is chaotic and full of the unexpected. And because we are living things, even productivity isn’t linear. We have bodies, homes, and other people that can pull us in countless directions and we also have our very own needs for rest. Even my garden takes a break, unsubscribing to anything relating to a “Winter Arc” after a season of wild productivity.
But, as an aspiring writer and artist, this is tough. Especially tough in a world where it is easy to see a poet crank out a poem a day on Instagram and the key to getting published is participating in the rat race of constant content, likes, and followers. Even on my most productive days, I still have to noodle on the words, wrestle with a touch of imposter syndrome, consider the vulnerability hangover of sharing something, work at the day job, work out a little bit, and still be home for the bus to arrive at 3:30 so I can focus on my family. Throw in an occasional sick kid, a surprise project at work to prep for, a closet that needs to be reorganized *today* because if not there is a chance I will burn the whole house down! Phew. I can see why the great male poets of the past went “to the lakes” or lived in remote cabins.
But, I know I wouldn’t like that either.
I am finding that I like this life that doesn’t present itself as success after success. I am actually really glad to not be riding on a straight-line train of productivity. And, I know that to reach a goal, I don’t have to burn it down, take the loss, and totally start over.
In fact, I don’t want to that either. I want to live in and ride the chaos and lows. The periods of productivity and rest. All the while still feeling like myself, doing things I always do.
Thinking of pillars of my life that help make me feel like “me,” it’s clear to see that they were once creating goals and implementing new routines in the “start over” moments. The work out routine, the creativity practice, the systems to managing our home, the simple closet reorganization… I was a girl and her list ready to take on the world! This era of me was good and served me well. It has set me up with habits and routines that are strong and, after years of finessing, manageable. But, sometimes, in order to stay strong they just need a little tending to so that they can maintain and continue.
And, that is what I am doing now even though it has been a little time since I have shared any writing. There’s nothing new. No big new goals or routines. No new concept. No Winter Arc. Just me continuing.
Maybe that is what you need to do, too. I hear the noise right now about the final days of the year, too. I see the Challenges and programs to go into the Holidays and 2025 “strong.” But, maybe you don’t need to shake it up and “restart.” Maybe you just have to keep going and continue what you are are already doing.
A few places that I love where the idea of “continue” shows up is in Maggie Smith’s, “Keep Moving.” I have mentioned this book before and will again because the book and her thoughts are just so good. The whole concept was based on the idea of how throughout her divorce process, she kept reminding herself that her next move was simple. It wasn’t a big new shiny thing, it was to just keep going.
I also love this poem. It’s not Maggie, but I love the line, “I continue to continue.” If you have found yourself standing toe-to-toe with life you know it just might be all you can do. When I first read that line it was one of those strange a-ha moment that can happen when reading poetry when I was taken with a “Yes. Yes. I do. I always have.”
(And, stay tuned for the return of “What I Ate” also inspired by this poem.)
as possible as yeast
as imminent as bread
a collection of safe habits
a collection of cares
less certain than i seem
more certain than i was
a changed changer
I continue to continue
what i have been
most of my lives is
where i’m going
This was published in Good Woman: Poems and a Memoir and is called “I am not done yet.”
